– Give him a big praise. Mr. and also
Mrs. Kacper Rucinski. [applause] – Great night. Haha! Hi Lublin! Howdy! Lukasz “” Lotek”” Lotkowski. Excellent man, terrific standup. Has it already dawned on you that he shed 3 kilos? Not real. He lost 3 kilos. He simply reduced his finger nails, after that certainly he [__] them up
as well as the yo-yo result reached him, yet …
[laughs] I also lost 4 kilos. Not that I intended to, definitely, I just hid 4 kilos. as well as I assume, “” a ch **: and indeed. Where is Marunio? [chuckles] You 2 are Marunio? Alright! Both Marunio? Is one simply Marek, and Marunio
is from Marek, right? “” [__], due to the fact that it'' s so pointless. Marek Maruś, Marunia. Good. Where are you from, Marunia? From Lublin, [__], where. Don'' t you know you came, [__] To Lublin. From some wonderful “district “The most effective. In what? Where? From Sławina, it'' s a nice place, an area? No, Marunia, someone [__] informed you.Old Marunia: “this is a f *** ing area””, yes? Yes, yes Well, what do you do, Marunia? Oh, f ** k! He was amazed. What, will you keep asking? Yes, f ** k, I'' ll maintain asking. Glasses? Glasses do you do? In what feeling? you'' re blowing glasses on your glasses What are you doing? Yeah? Are you just a glazier? I obtained it? Marunio the glazier? Like a character out of a fairy tale. There'' s Bob the Home builder as well as Marunio the Glazer, f ** k, two pals. This is Bob the Builder. What'' s up, f * * wa? You two came, right? have you come? NO? All right. As well as where are your women? In your home. You wear ' t take women anywhere? I'' m listening? Wifes. Yes, yes, partner, naturally, partner. NO? At all? Sometimes, why not today? I see. Sorry Justyna, there are just two tickets, so I'' m going f *** ing with
… Specifically, I got it. All right. Where is Świdnik? [giggles] One girl, yes, I'' m from Świdnik. Today I was picked to find as well as simply represent this town. [praise] What'' s your name? Elvira? A typical Świdnica name. Elvira, or what, Elvira? You will certainly return and also simply have a task to inform Świdnik how that night resembled. I imagine Elwira, that is resting, [__] white sausage on the very first day of Easter, “” exactly how was it, just how was it”” …
[laughs] All right, pay attention. I have a dream that I intended to show to you at the start. I take a trip a whole lot and each time I go on stage there is a similar response from the target market. They'' re just praise. There is normally a cozy reception from the target market, to ensure that'' s great. Yet I already have a distorted brain and I wish that a minimum of once in my profession the target market would entirely amaze me, that they would certainly do something, the crazier the better, some type of surprise, that they would certainly gather an entire number of days previously the program and also the head of the target market, Marunio in this instance states: Okay, pay attention, we'' re making a surprise for Kacper.Robert as well as I created something, we assume it ' s mosting likely to
be a mess. no, robert? “Hyhyhy …” That ' s right, so we “all placed on Tee shirts with'the inscription I enjoy Kacper, we take a seat and as he is regarding to go on stage, then the guys stand up, coating on their females, they begin yodelling. I recognize how it seems, however Robert firmly insisted on this yodelling. It ' s just a desire.
I understand it ' s not mosting likely to occur, it'' s a [__] up desire, yet pay attention, I believe I resembled being greeted like that at my program when. It was close once. The man in the second row, like you, was basically resting. Unexpectedly he rose, got his dick, however no one chose it up and also it died.But if a pair
wishes to go to such an efficiency with such a requirement, it'' s a couple. They can handle it and also they do it at'residence. They ' ll be great because they ' ll do what they do. And also if, for instance, a single person wants to go, a solitary individual intends to go stand as well as there is a need. He needs to integrate. He asks his good friends. Jola, do you desire to
go stand up “? “Certain”. She has a dilemma to tell currently what will certainly happen, or will it be a shock for her too? Certainly, ladies enjoy shocks, so she chooses the 2nd choice. They sit down. He says: Okay Jola, placed on this t shirt. “” I enjoy Kacper””. “” It'' s [__] up.” Is it [__] up? Wait. And I ' m concerning to “leave, so there ' s a tip. “Currently”. “The men get up, so does he. “Jacek, what are you? What ' s going on here? What'are you?” Jesus,
“Jacek, are you insane?! What ' s taking place right here”?” Yodel.
“What the [__]?!” Yodel, please. Well, you desire to laugh, put on “' t you? Individuals are seeing. Yo, because it won ' t work, no. “You ' re [__] up, this is some sort of cult!”. Jola, take you someplace … [laughs] I don ' t know why I picked yodelling. Yodels are screwed up in themselves. Yodeling and shanties. Are there people singing small houses below? You are. Yes? Do you'sing small houses? You ' re all [__] up, you ' re [__] vocal singing shanties. What is it concerning? “We blew cages filled with.” herring as well as sardines off the deck and also that was a goddamn storm.” They sing it by the fire in Giżycko. What storm? You ' re simply the very best. “What ' s up with you guys? “Goodbye to us today,. Spanish girls …” guy, they were from Olecko.One eye was missing out on. The only thing they share with Spain is that they [__] up chorizo. This is all. You ought to sing something regarding you,.
define several of your journeys, I wear'' t know. “We blew off the deck of the ore, allow alone.
come right here with alcohol, hi, hello, look for her …”” Whatever. [chuckles] Individuals singing shanties annoy me. Hypocrites frustrate me also, you understand? People that consume pork chops.
but put on'' t intend to listen to that it utilized to be a pig. [giggles] You recognize it made use of to be a pig.
“” Allow me [__] consume in peace, alright?”” [chuckles] [grunting sounds] “Well, f ** k, are you going to allow me consume or otherwise? Well, I'' m f ***” ing.” They think that the pork slice was birthed that way, it was cold,.
so it dressed the lady, f ** k, I put on'' t recognize, I have a vegan auntie, she'' s a hypocrite,'since I ' m looking
. finally Christmas.She [__] the cookies'. I claim: I put on ' t think auntie consumes eggs. No eggs, yet they are cookies. It'' s like
you ' d state:. Yet this is most likely rape. [__] indeed, but it ' s a remains. Two industries annoy me. First, couriers. Oh, he spoke, the f ** k, the messenger? Yes? All right. you are the best. The carrier is calling.
This is the guy that calls. you at seven in “the early morning: I ' ll be there at 3. “You just woke me up.”. I ' m not sleeping either.
Genuine from my'life. Wife texted the carrier.
We can ' t grab the package.Can you. simply leave it in'the frog following to us? We ' ll pick it up later on. He responded to her: “” I'' ll see you.” I already know that the [__] I'' m managing
. This is the king of bundles,.
this is the f *** ing emperor of aviso, f ** k, he remains on his Nysa,.
f ** k, in the back, with his coffee at six in the morning. “” Maybe I will, maybe I wo.
n'' t [__], I don” ' t know!” Marunio still doesn ' t know if he'' s [__]
mosting likely to. provide. [chuckles] Messengers. And also the second option. The 2nd sector, passenger transport. I put on'' t recognize if you have. traveler transport in Lublin. It'' s like a taxi just without the rooster. And also it'' s not Uber. These are the ones who didn ' t hop on Uber. Worst type. There are individuals who get up in the morning.
and they generate a dazzling suggestion. I '' ll drive people, yeah, I ' ll, well, I. ' ll drive people, sure, why not? I have a Passat, yeah, I drive people normally.
These are one of the most laid back. people, simply, he rests, f ** k, drives and also
“you know, you typically understand. “I put on ' t have a fowl, so I can, you understand,.
without a rooster, I can, you know”. I drive most in the evening',. and at night, you recognize that.” I'say: I know, I understand, don ' t also [__] state it. He ' s driving crazy, [__], always on the sofa.
flipping out. I wear ' t recognize how he knows where to go, f ** k, most likely by the celebrities,. f ** k, he feels in one’s bones where to go. I say, I ' m opting for one. of the Magi to the bank. Still [__] scent. For certain! He ' ll tell me to pay in gold, f ** k, and also I ' m going when with one.
of the king of people carriers, normally one of the most laid back individual I'' ve ever before.
“met in my life, Irek, or Irek, Iras. I ' m selecting Iras. “Hey! Where am I going? Yet the weather is [__'] up, isn ' t it? It ' s drizzling, wipers can ' t maintain three times that. I f *** ed up in the side, rims are going.
And yesterday? What thunder was. like in my bathroom. Hehehe!” And also that ' s nothing,'I ' m going with Iras. the meteorologist and he all of a sudden: “” I'' ll see the girl for some time, alright?” I believe what the [__], I'' m in a. hurry to go home, sit. He'' s going to visit, I claim,. fine, what are you “gon na do? “I ' ll visit”her”, f ** k', however I ' m enjoying. as well as he ' s standing by the graveyard. He obtains out, buys blossoms, a candle. He disappears at the gate of the burial ground. I assume, crap, such a visit. Ends up she passed away in a crash. He was driving. Horrible dramatization. And also those wooden sticks for stirring.
coffee at filling station? This is some joke. Ca n'' t mix. It ' s a change, huh? Hahaha!
[laughs] I obtained you individuals.
[praise] This is my favored.
minute on the show, just looking at your faces, they.
'' re always the very same. [giggles] Irene, what'' s taking place? [__], I dropped off to sleep for 2 mins. What took place? As soon as at one performance, a man,.
currently [__] up, when I started speaking.
regarding sticks, he disrupted me. He says: You were speaking about the cemetery. Vigilant … Many f ** ked however attentive, f ** k. I have this privacy for you. Something that privately irritates me, frustrates me. My partner is texting.
her gynecologist. And also I believe it'' s like your gynecologist. You'can ' t do this as if there are standards. We are in the Union. He messages her.
See you Friday. at eleven and also smile. [chuckles] As well as what the [__] is that smile, like? [laughs] What the [__] is he treating?'Does he recover something? I ' m
envious because I believe. that a gynecologist is normally a guy that gets delighted, no,
he ' s a man,
he. obtains excited like any other guy.You know, not constantly. Ladies are different,. yet I assume there is also a gynecologist in Poland that.
merely chooses patients. “” Greetings, which of the ladies is visiting me today? Mhm, mhm, aha …”” After a while she brings out a jacket. “” Goodbye!”” The people get.
excited. And when such a chick is available in, you understand, mega.
sexy warm chick, such an 11 out of 10, such a ŁU! And also let'' s up the stake,.'it ' s his very first day on the work. [laughs] “Good morning.” Oh f ** k, yyy … Greetings. Please kindly take a seat. Please ro ro ro ro ro ro ro ro,.
please do so, mhm. What'' s up? What ' s up? You ' re right into something, Jack.How stuffy it is below. [exhale] Believe [__] Think of [__] [giggles] Ah … So soft. [__], [__] “” Excuse me, can you see the.
breasts below, something, I have a lump. This is serious. Can you see?”” Are you joking currently?
“” No seriously, are you?”” I can. I am a medical professional. Oh … I can'' t. I ' m sorry ma
' am,. “I can ' t do that.
“Whar are you doing sir?”. Yodel. [laughter, praise] They obtain thrilled to the max. My other half thinks I'' m odd. [chuckles] She ' s strange herself, you understand? My wife has a dick.
on cleansing. It '' s constantly unclean to her, always. She couldn ' t tidy up when. Something struck her back. I can not relocate. Dramatization. So we got a cleaning lady. What did my other half do? She.
cleansed up for her arrival because it'' s an embarassment.
[laughs] Me, I'' m [__] at residence. due to the fact that I always tidy up severely. I can clean whatever, right? And also it will certainly be severely cleaned, always.'I ' ve never cleaned well. I state kill her when. I will cleanse whatever, I.
will clean up whatever, I will certainly clean. She states: did you clean whatever, did you clean it? I state: I washed it all, f ** k, I cleaned everything, wear'' t collapse me this time. “Have you washed whatever?”” I [__] washed every little thing. There are.
no choices. “” As well as the door takes care of?””.
Are you [__] up, f ** k, door handles?! Door manages clean themselves.
as you go into as well as leave. I have a little girl, one and a half years of ages. I wish she won'' t. resemble her mom. He'' s not cleaning yet,.
but he'' s currently checking out the manages, f ** k. The information that I was mosting likely to have a kid resembled a thunderbolt from the blue to.
Jehovah on Fat Thursday.Well, I entirely
didn ' t anticipate it.'It'' s an amusing view. What are these donuts with? “” With Jesus””. [chuckles] So I claim, I have to raise, reveal.
my maturation, duty, I'' m a fully grown guy. It'' s. time to reveal it. Maternity was awesome. Clearly, we had to.
alter some strategies. But what, you consume alcohol,.
as a lot as you consumed alcohol, nothing modifications right here. All of a sudden you have a driver, it.
'' s [__] remarkable. Just obtain expecting,. they say, the birth of Sodom and also Gomorrah, discomfort. I had no pain, I.
was great. I was the just one who was screwed due to the fact that I.
had to take a look at him the entire time I was in labor.And what desired
to send message messages., .
Yes? Now you'' re messing about, all right. Such a task. Well, perhaps you'' re a freak? Maybe it thrills you? Zwyrol, you pervert. Or possibly lick on your own? What are you ashamed concerning? Lick on your own.
[incomprehensible] Certainly it remained in my head, yet I assumed just how it looks.
from his point of view. I look at him the entire birth.
and also at one point I do. [laughs] He texted me after that. [laughs] Females comprised that debate. Nonsense, cooked up, as if it'' s a cool. disagreement that it seems like something is expanding in the belly. A brand-new life is birthed that this sensation is.
booked just for women.Cool.
And also I wanted to mention that we guys additionally have our feelings scheduled.
only for us, for guys. No woman knows what it'' s like,. for example, to pee alongside one more person, to look them in the eye. This is our sensation, this is a.
guy'' s sensation.
“We piss, f ** k. “To the max, man. That ' s wonderful, [__] up.” [giggles] And the female alone in the workstation. [chuckles] Psst! Taken! [giggles] From behind the wall surface, “he'listens to, “We ' re pissing, f ** k.”. our feelings. I have a pal who has a two-year-old kid. When his partner was pregnant, he involved me and also said,.
“” Kacper, I can'' t do this. They can ' t have sex with their very own spouse. I have a block. Something took place to my brain. I.
can'' t do this. I feel in one’s bones, that there.
'' s already something inside there.'It, it'' s growing, it ' s living within. As well as I ' m afraid you understand …”. I claim: Go to the max, guy, very well done, due to the fact that this is. precisely the image,'that ' s precisely it. This baby is swimming in these.
liquids throughout throughout sex.
[noise of microphone striking, giggling] Faster! [muddled] [laughs] [applause] I'' m kidding. It ' s not like that, it'. ' s not like that. It ' s a joke. I choose to claim that it ' s a joke, because I in fact had a few scenarios where. after the efficiency someone showed up as well as claimed: Penis to the unborn child? Actually? I constantly answer: Actually. When a kid is born,.
it is like a blank slate. And also where are one of the most empty sheets? This is a test. In a notebook? In a brand-new notebook. What upgrade. Because in the old they might be conserved. And in the new particular niche,.
I saw brand-new note pads as soon as and also they were all clean. Okay, f ***. Anyone intend to beat.
Andrew? Ream of paper? Very great. A person wants to defeat the girl? Xeroxing. Exactly how are you really feeling,.
Andrzej, with the notebook currently? [giggles] As well as Andrzej: “” Well … And also I claimed to myself in the house: Andrzej, simply do.
n'' t f *** something, f ** k.” [chuckles] “And I said to myself in the mirror:
. Andrzej, in Przypisówka you can claim what you want, however.
in Lublin, f ** k, keep silent.”” [giggles] Xerox.This is a good story. and also I commit this monologue to you. Duplicate shops interest me, pay attention. Lately, I went to a copy shop, photocopied one page,.
paid 7 groszy. I believe. Just how much are they running there? It will certainly be 12 groszy, here it will certainly be 23 groszy. You ca n'' t by card. [laughs] There will be 60 groszy in total. With each other. There were several orders. The person was resting.
in the copy machine for an hour, he had a checklist of “” what to do, I have it, below too twice.
[gibberish]” So … Just how much? “” 60 cents””. Expensive. However when, listen, the man before.
me pays in the copy machine. He pays PLN 440. I believe he purchased this factor. [giggles] He acquired the point. Like that very first town in Monopoly,.
in this parlor game simply after the begin, that first such a ***, no one.
ever desired it, the least expensive one, of course, always.
located, much better, one scumbag.It ' s much better
to'have something, I already have it,.
it'' s mine. You stand, you pay, f ** k. And also I visualize this Croesus that walks his brand-new duplicate shop.
with a stogie, his robe, undone, dangling below. Individuals are xeroxing normally, yet he'' s f
*** ing it ' s. his photocopying, [__], it looks excellent thus far. do you publish? Anything to assist you? Absolutely nothing? Is it elegant? Well, print, doctorate, oh [__], I do.
n'' t bother, not deserving, I ' m f *** ing. He ' s got this walnut desk in the middle, he'' s. got a cream color lamp, he'' s obtained a gold telephone. Just how a lot have we made, Miss Martha,.
this week? “” PLN 6″”. Okay, f ***. [laughs] I wouldn'' t have the ability to operate in a copy shop. You understand, with my approach to cash. It will be 20 cents. Okay, wear'' t search. Exists anybody of you who lives in such a.
block of apartments, a building where you leave and also you have such a lockable shed.
, a garbage can? Yes? Have you ever before wondered why the f ** k.
we lock the waste? You lock it up,.
toss the waste outdoors due to the fact that they f * cked up and you lock it.
so that it doesn'' t come under the incorrect hands.Who are we worried
of? Some type of bum mob? There'' s a gang of bottoms that slips into the dumpster under the cover of night, they.
have one scrape from New Year'' s Eve, they have a firecracker left, they break the lock,.
one inside swipes. “” It is lovely””. 2 are standing outside, on watch. “” Clear””.
Żul says clear. It'' s currently stunning. As well as there are garbage man that take this waste to the landfill, so they have to.
defend this waste with this gang of chewers, so they can'' t be regular individuals,.
trash enthusiasts, no, it'' s an anti-terrorist, mega-organized action. They get zinc. Ksh! “” Alpha, garbage in the dumpster””.
as well as three shut streets fly around.Tududu-tududu … Saw in motion pictures [muddled] I believe at the very least one. of the counter-terrorists should have been deaf. Without a doubt. Maybe this one here. Arek is deaf as well as foolish? See Arek is deaf-mute, just how is he doing, bravo Arek. Ksh! “Alpha, you ' re in “” Poof! On the'ground! Żule: “” [__]”” [chuckles] Pests put on'' t have guns, so they ' re unscrupulous. Slingshot charchy [hissing sounds] “Alpha,.
we require back-up, the bums are anywhere. I repeat, the bums are almost everywhere. Indeed, the bums are everywhere. One like in mission impossible bib.
from above [unintelligible], one like in The Matrix on the wall surface of popi * ** ala in a dirt-proof bulletproof layer. Bomb with denatured alcohol. Ah … Too negative.
[unintelligible] All of a sudden dismay, everybody ices up. Guy.
in sandals with trash gets in the dumpster. “” So I'' m not closing it.”” [giggles] retreat, there.
will be no support, withdraw””. Okay. We are taking out. Arek, we are taking out. Arek, Arek, sh **, we shed Arek. in the dumpster “” Hehehehe!”” With carts filled with f *** ing desserts,.
jewels, one calls the boss.
“” Manager, we have this dumpster. Okay, f ** k, I already have 2 dumpsters.
and also a photocopy. Thanks, Lublin! [applause]
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