– I mosted likely to university, for the entire time. (target market laughing).
Holy spunk, right? I just obtained a letter from my university, which was fun, '' reason mail, you recognize? (audience laughing) So I open the letter and they claimed, hello John, it'' s college, you remember?( target market laughing) I say, yes obviously.
( target market laughing) As well as after that they stated,.
exactly how did they expression it, after that they claimed, provide us some cash! (audience laughing) As a present! We want a gift!
( target market laughing) But just if it'' s money!( audience laughing
). I located this peculiar. '' Cause you see, what. had occurred New York, was that when I was a student you see, I had paid them a tuition cash. (audience laughing) Every semester, two semesters.
a year for four years. I wear'' t keep in mind exactly what it was, however rounding up, back in 1999 bucks, it had to do with$ 15,000 a term. 2 terms a year for four years.
So it had to do with$ 30,000. a year for 4 years. So it was around$ 120,000, fine? So
about talking, I gave my. university about$ 120,000, alright? So you could state that I.
currently provided $120,000 and now you have the audacity.
to ask me for even more cash? What kind of a coke-head family member? (target market applauding) What sort of a coke-head.
loved one is my college? You invested it already? (target market laughing) I offered you more cash.
than the Civil Battle cost and also you fuckin' ' invested it already? (audience laughing).
Where'' s my cash? I seemed like Jimmy Stewart.
in “” It'' s a Fantastic Life” when he'' s shouting at his Uncle Billy I resembled, where'' s the cash? Where ' s that cash you fat motherfucker? Where'' s my money? Stay down on the ground, remain down on the ground you motherfucker! That'' s not the discussion, however.
do y'' all bear in mind that scene from “” It'' s a Remarkable Life””? (audience laughing).
Great movie.Frank Capra,
1946. $120,000. And I have friends I went to.
university with as well as they'' re like, oh, you must donate.
and be a good graduate. And also they wear shirts that claim.
college and it'' s like, look. If you'' re an adult still.
giving cash to your college, college is a $120,000 hooker as well as you are a moron that.
fell for her. She'' s not gon na do anything else for you. It'' s done.
( audience applauding) In their letter they were like, hi there, it'' s been a while. given that you ' ve offered us money. I was like, hi there, it ' s been a while since you'' ve housed as well as instructed me. (audience laughing) I thought our deal mored than. I offered you $120,000 and you provided me like, a strange cinder block area.
with a “” Storage tank Dogs”” poster on it and the very first.
real broken heart of my life, and also most likely HPV and also.
then we called it a day.Probably.
( audience laughing) Also, what did I get for my money? What is university? (stuttering).
( target market laughing) Stop going! Till we figure it out. '' Reason I mosted likely to university. I have no idea what it was. I went to university. I was 18 years of ages. I resembled I was 11. (audience laughing) I lived like a goddamn Ninja Turtle. (target market laughing) I didn'' t drink water the entire time. (audience laughing) I survived cigarettes,.
and also alcohol and Adderall.College was like a.
four-year video game program called, Do My Friends Hate Me or Do. I Simply Required to visit Sleep?
( target market laughing ). But instead of winning money you
lose $120,000. Incidentally, I consented to provide them$ 120,000 when I was 17 years old. Without lawyer present. (audience laughing ). That ' s prohibited.
They'fooled me. They tricked me like Brendan. Dassey on Making a Killer. They fooled me like inadequate Brendan. They pulled me out of high school.I was in sweatpants all puzzled.
( audience laughing) Two men in clip-on connections resembled, begin kid, do the appropriate point. Sign right here as well as you ' ll be an English significant. I was like, all right.('target market laughing )Yes you heard me.
An English major. I paid$ 120,000. (target market clapping) Exactly how dare you clap? How dare you clap for the. worst financial decision I ever before made in my life? I paid $120,000 for somebody to tell me to go check out “” Jane Austen””.
and afterwards I didn'' t. (audience laughing).
( positive songs).
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