>> > > Stephen: WELCOME ONE AND
ALL, LADIES AS WELL AS GENTLEMEN, TO “” THE LATE SHOW.”” I'' M YOUR HOST STEPHEN COLBERT, AS WELL AS I HAVE– (JOYS AND PRAISE )>
>> > Stephen: THAT ' S SO GOOD. >> > > Jon: OH, YEAH >>. > > Stephen: THAT ' S LIKE A.
BEVERAGE OF COLD WATER RIGHT THERE. I'' VE BEEN OFF FOR A WEEK. I MISSED YOU. (JOYS AND ALSO PRAISE ).
I LIKEWISE MISSED A GREAT DEAL OF NEWS, WHICH I DID NOT MISS. BUT THERE'' S SOME NEW INFORMATION ABOUT. THE INFORMATION.
BECAUSE CNN IS CUTTING BACK ON. OVER-HYPING EVERYTHING AS SPLITTING INFORMATION.( JOYS AND PRAISE).
INDEED! WHICH IMPLIES, OVERHYPING. EVERYTHING IS UP FOR GRABS! SO, WE HAVE BREAKING NEWS:.
( JOYS AND ALSO PRAISE) WOMEN AND GENTLEMEN, I STAND.
PRIOR TO YOU SHOCKED AS WELL AS TERRIFIED TO RECORD THAT WHAT I'' M SAYING.
NOW MEANS NOTHING.IT ' S ALL FALSE URGENCY TO KEEP.
YOU MESMERIZED ENOUGH TIME TO GET TO THE FOLLOWING LIPITOR.
COMMERCIAL. AS WELL AS … HANG ON– WE NEED TO.
BURGLARIZE THIS DAMAGING INFORMATION WITH A BREAKING INFORMATION ALERT: AT.
11:38 PM EASTERN TIME, HOST OF THE LATE SHOW STEPHEN COLBERT IS.
REALLY FEELING A LITTLE BIT SNACKY. (GIGGLING ).
NOW, THE STORY IS– THE STORY IS IT STILL DEVELOPING. NO WORD YET ON HOW AND IF IT.
WILL EVER BEFORE SETTLE. STEPHEN, WHAT ARE YOU HEARING? (LAUGHTER ).
>> > > WELL, (SLAPPING AS WELL AS CHATTING.
INCOHERENTLY) (GIGGLING ).
( APPLAUSE) >> > > Jon: YEAH, YEAH, YEAH …> > > Stephen: CURRENTLY, IT WAS. REFINED, BUT YOU MAY HAVE SAW WE USED SOME OF CNN'' S GRAPHICS.
THERE. WE FOUND THEM IN THE DUMPSTER.
BEHIND THE NETWORK, AS REPORTED BY AN INTERNAL MEMO, CNN IS CUTTIN.
— NEXT TO CHRIS CUOMO AND ALSO CNN AND ALSO. WHY YOU AWEING? NONE OF YOU ENJOYED IT! ACCORDING TO AN INTERNAL MEMORANDUM,.
CNN IS CUTTING BACK ON THE BREAKING INFORMATION GRAPHIC BECAUSE.
ITS EFFECT HAS BECOME LOST ON THE AUDIENCE AND ALSO.
CNN NEEDS TO BE FOCUSED ON INFORMING, NOT ALARMING AUDIENCES. WITH CNN OUT OF THE VIDEO GAME,.
THAT'' LL LEAVE PLENTY OF ALARMING FOR THE INDIVIDUALS OVER AT FOX NEWS.IN TRUTH,
THEY'' RE. COUNTER-PROGRAMMING WITH TUCKER CARLSON ' S NEW SHOW: LOOK OUT GAY.
IMMIGRANTS ARE COMING FOR YOUR PENIS! (LAUGHTER ).
( APPLAUSE) TODAY, OBVIOUSLY, IS.
JANUARY sixth. YOU RECOGNIZE WHAT THAT SUGGESTS–.
( SUSPE DRAMATIC MUSIC) >> > > Stephen: IT ' S NATIONAL
. YO-YO DAY! (CHEERS AND ALSO APPLAUSE ).
IT ADDITIONALLY INDICATES IT'' S EXACTLY 17 MONTHS BECAUSE THE JANUARY sixth.
INSURRECTION, AND THIS THURSDAY THE JANUARY 6th COMMIT IS COLLECTION.
TO MAKE ITS CASE PUBLIC WITH PRIME-TIME HEARINGS. THE INSURRECTION–.
( CHEERS AS WELL AS APPLAUSE) YEAH, THAT'' S RIGHT. THE INSURRECTION IS GOING.
PRIMETIME GET PREPARED FOR YOUR BRAND-NEW FAVORITE PROGRAM: AMERICA'' S GOT.
TREASON. (GIGGLING) >>.( PRAISE) > > Jon: MMM … > > Stephen: WE MAY
ACTUALLY. GET SOME ANSWERS FROM THESE HEARINGS,.
DUE TO THE FACT THAT CHARGE TO A KEVIN MCCARTHY HISSY FIT, THE ONLY REPUBLICANS.
ON THE JANUARY 6TH COMMITTEE ARE NOTED CRITICS OF THE BIG LIE,.
LIZ CHENEY AND ALSO ADAM KINZINGER. (JOYS AND ALSO PRAISE ).
SO, UNLIKE THE INSANELY COMBATIVE IMPEACHMENT HEARINGS,.
THESE PRIMETIME HEARINGS MIGHT FEATURE NORMALLY.IT ' LL BE
LIKE AN EPISODE OF THE.
ACTUAL HOUSEWIVES WITHOUT WHITE WINE. (LAUGHTER ).
( AS HOMEMAKER) “” LUANNE, WE JUST CONSUMED SUPPER, CURRENTLY.
I'' M GOING TO BED AT A SENSIBLE HOUR AND TAKE A MELATONIN. DON'' T FORGET YOUR DOGGIEBAG, I.
LOVE AND REGARD YOU.”” (GIGGLING ).
( PRAISE) (PIANO RIFF ).
I SAID GOOD EVENING! (GIGGLING ).
THE JANUARY 6TH COMMITTEE HAS GOTTEN A WHOLE LOT OF INFORMATION FROM.
UNWILLING WITNESSES SINCE THEY'' VE BEEN READY TO PLAY.
HARDBALL. TAKE PREVIOUS PRESIDENTIAL AIDE,.
PETER NAVARRO, SEEN RIGHT HERE DIRECTING TO HIS WORST ADVERSARY. (LAUGHTER ).
( APPLAUSE) THAT'' S A GOOD JOKE. QUALITY FAMILY JOKE. NAVARRO WAS AMONG THE.
RINGLEADERS OF THE ATTEMPTED COUP.AND WE KNOW THAT SINCE HE. SKILLFULLY CONFESSED THE WHOLE PLOT ON NATIONAL TV. > > WHAT I RECEIVE THE IN TRUMP. TIME PUBLICATION IS THIS PLAN WE HAD CALLED THE ECO-FRIENDLY BAY MOVE, THE. PLAN WAS SIMPLY THIS. WE HAD OVER
100 CONGRESSMEN AS WELL AS. LEGISLATORS ON CAPITOL HILL READY TO EXECUTE THE MOVE. THE SWEEP WAS SIMPLY THAT. WE WERE GOING TO CHALLENGE THE. OUTCOMES OF THE ELECTION IN THE SIX BATTLEGROUND STATES. AT 1:00 P.M., LEGISLATOR TED CRUZ.
AND REP GOSAR, BEGAN THE GREEN BAY SWEEP.
BEAUTIFULLY, CHALLENGING THE OUTCOMES OF ARIZONA. THE REMEDY WAS FOR VICE.
PRESIDENT DIME AS THE QUARTERBACK IN THE ENVIRONMENT-FRIENDLY BAY.
SWEEP TO REMAND THOSE VOTES BACK TO THE 6 BATTLEGROUND STATE.
>> > > Stephen: GREEN BAY SWEEP– SO, NAVARRO THOUGHT HE COULD.
ADMIT TO TRYING TO OVERTURN AN POLITICAL ELECTION ON NATIONAL TELEVISION, AND ALSO.
THERE'' D BE NO CONSEQUENCES BECAUSE HE PROVIDED IT A FUN.
LABEL? (AS KILLER).
“” POLICEMAN, YOU CAN'' T ARREST ME.I DIDN'' T DO ANYTHING ILLEGAL, I.
WAS SIMPLY DOING A MOVE I SUCH AS TO PHONE CALL THE BEE-BOP-STEP STAB. A BEE-BOP ACTION STAB STABBY STAB.
STAB.”” (PRAISE ).
STAB STAB STAB! (BEEPING ).
BEEP, BEEP, BOP, STAB, STAB, STAB! (LAUGHTER ).
THE BOARD THOUGHT, “” HERE'' S An INSANE CONCEPT LET'' S SUBPOENA THE.
PERSON WHO CONFESSED TO PLANNING THE CRIMINAL ACTIVITY.”” NAVARRO REJECTED TO SHOW UP, SO.
ON FRIDAY, HE WAS INDICTED AS WELL AS ARRESTED ON TWO COUNTS OF.
CONTEMPT OF CONGRESS. (JOYS AND APPLAUSE ).
( DRUM BEAT) >> > > Jon: WHOO! SHAKE IT UP! (LAUGHTER ).
( APPLAUSE) >> > > Stephen: THIS UPSET.
NAVARRO, AND IT ALSO UPSET TEXAS REP LOUIE GOHMERT,.
SEEN RIGHT HERE ALL OF A SUDDEN REMEMBERING WHERE HIS FINGERS HAVE BEEN.
( GIGGLING ).
( DRUM BEAT) AFTER FINDING OUT OF NAVARRO'' S. ARREST, GOHMERT ACTUALLY CLAIMED THIS:.
>> > > IT ACTUALLY PUTS AN EXCLAMATION FACTOR ON THE REALITY.
THAT WE HAVE A TWO-TIERED JUSTICE SYSTEM. IF YOU'' RE A REPUBLICAN POLITICIAN, YOU.
CANISTER'' T EVEN LIE TO CONGRESS OR LIE TO AN FBI AGENT, OR THEY ' RE. COMING AFTER YOU.'THEY ' RE GON NA BURY YOU. (AS GOHMERT).
“” NOWADAYS YOU TIN'' T EVEN EXIST TO CONGRESS OR LIE TO THE F.B.I.,. OR HOT WIRE A CARS AND TRUCK AFTER THAT DRIVE THAT AUTOMOBILE TO A BANK AND GRAB ALL.
THE CASH AT GUNPOINT, THEN HEAD TO THE NEAREST ZOO TO TOSS.
ROCKS AT THE PANDAS.”” THERE'' S A TWO-TIERED JUSTICE.
SYSTEM ONE TIER FOR INDIVIDUALS WHO COMPLY WITH THE LAW AS WELL AS A WHOLE.
VARIOUS ONE FOR PEOPLE WHO BREAK IT. HOW IS THAT FAIR? HOLD STILL, LING-LING! HOLD STILL! I WINGED HIM! >> > > Jon: YEAH, I SAW THAT! (APPLAUSE ).
>> > > Stephen: DELAY, HOLD ON A SECONDLY! WE'' RE GETTING MORE SPLITTING.
NEWS. OK, THIS SIMPLY IN. IS THIS CONFIRMED? IT'' S BEEN CONFIRMED, LOUIE.
GOHMERT STAYS THE DUMBEST GUY ALIVE.
( GIGGLING ).
( JOYS AND PRAISE) SO, ONE CELEBRATION FREELY ATTACKED.
OUR DEMOCRACY AND THEN BRAGGED REGARDING IT. BUT SOMEHOW, THEY'' RE NOT THE. ONES WITH LOW APPROVAL SCORES. BECAUSE BASE ON CURRENT.
POLLS, HEAD OF STATE BIDEN'' S APPROVAL IS WORSE THAN THE.
PREVIOUS HEAD OF STATE'' S AT THIS POINT IN HIS PRESIDENCY. NOT GREAT. BUT I UNDERSTAND HOW TO ASSIST. MR. HEAD OF STATE, GO OUT TO THE.
ROSE YARD AND LOOK STRAIGHT RIGHT INTO A SOLAR ECLIPSE. DON'' T ASK ME WHY. FOR SOME FACTOR, INDIVIDUALS LIKE.
THAT BETTER THAN FRAMEWORK. (GIGGLING ).
ENDS UP, BEHIND THE SCENES, BIDEN IS SEETHING THAT HIS.
STANDING IS NOW WORSE THAN THE FORMER PRESIDENT'' S. I WEAR ' T BLAME HIM. THE LAST INDIVIDUAL HAD TERRIBLE.
STANDING. (GIGGLING ).
HE RESEMBLES A PENGUIN WITH A CRAMMED BABY DIAPER. (LAUGHTER ).
AND, CURRENTLY, BIDEN'' S GROUP IS CONCERNED HE COULD SUFFER THE SAME.
ONE-TERM FATE AS JIMMY CARTER. OBVIOUSLY, THERE'' S A BIG.
DISTINCTION BETWEEN BIDEN AND ALSO CARTER. SOMEHOW, BIDEN APPEARS OLDER. (LAUGHTER ).
BUT THE WHITE HOME HAS A STRATEGY: PUT JOE WHEN TRAVELING TO HIGHLIGHT.
PROGRESS BEING MADE, AS WELL AS LET BIDEN BE BIDEN.YES, WE ' RE
GETTIN' ' SOME JOE.
STANDARD, BUT COVER THE KIDS' ' EARS, BECAUSE BIDEN HAS BEEN SO.
DISAPPOINTED, HE'' S REPORTEDLY RESORTED TO SALTY LANGUAGE. “” YOU'' RE DARN '. ROOTY-TOOT-TOOTIN ', YA DONKEYMOUTHED, BOXCAR-JUMPIN''. CART HORSES. THEY ATTEMPTED TO TAKE GRAMPA'' S KEYS.
AWAY, BUT I LOCATE '' EM TUCKED UNDER A CROCHETED TEDDY BEAR.
T.P. COVER. JUST SHOT AS WELL AS QUIT ME, YA.
TAFFY-PULLIN'', LAWN WRASSLIN'', SNARKY MALARKY CLOD OF EBBET'' S. AREA SOD! YER MOTHER GOT STUCK IN HER.
BUTTER CHURN, AND ALSO YER PAPPY SMOOCHES THE KAISER'' S. PICKELHAUBE. CURRENTLY, I'' M HOPPIN ' BACK IN THE. CORVETTE. WAIT, GAS IS JUST HOW MUCH? (LAUGHTER ).
WHO THE (BLEEP) IS HEAD OF STATE? (GIGGLING ).
( CHEERS AND ALSO APPLAUSE) WE'' VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU.
TONIGHT. MY GUESTS ARE JAKE TAPPER AND.
COMEDIAN JOEL KIM BOOSTER. BUT WHEN WE COME BACK, QUEEN.
ELIZABETH STILL HAS A JOB. STICK AROUND.
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