If Hogwarts Were an Inner-City School – Key & Peele

Read Time:2 Minute, 35 Second

– OK, BUT DO I LOOK
IN THE ELECTRONIC CAMERA? NO? OH, AT YOU? ALL RIGHT. [chuckles] LIKE ON TV,
ALL RIGHT. [enchanting sparking] [flourishing] – CURRENTLY, KNOCK IT OFF! ALL THE STUPID-ASS GRAB-ASS
AS WELL AS TOUCHY-FEELY BULL [bleep] GOD DAMN! I TOLD YOU THEY WAS ROTTEN. – I AM BARNABUS JACKSON,
PRIMARY HERE AT CLORTHO'' S, UH, VINCE CLORTHO HIGH. UH– – [grunts]- THIS TERMINAL'' S JUST A PROCEDURE,
BUT– – BELOW'' S A LOT OF
THINGS THAT WE CONFISCATED SIMPLY THIS WEEK. – THINGS– WE DON'' T HAVE TO PROGRAM THEM THAT. -BELOW ' S A WAND WITH A SILENCER ON IT. WHY? BUT I ASK AGAIN, WHY? ONE OUT OF FIVE LADIES IN THIS INSTITUTION IS PREGNANT WITH A SATANIC FORCE CHILD! – WELL–.
– ONE OUT OF FIVE! – OK.
[laughs] THE INFANTS PROFANE, BUT THE MOMMIES,.
THEY'' RE GOOD KIDS. AS WE SAY AT CLORTHO'' S,. “THERE ' S NEVER A WEBSITE THAT CAN NOT BE OPENED UP.
WITH INGENUITY AND RESPECT.”” [can spraying]- CURRENTLY– – [scoffs] HOW YOU GON' ' BE USING.
AN UNNOTICEABLE CLOAK, WHEN I CAN SEE.
YOU'' RE TAGGING THE DAMN WALL? – [laughs] – DIME BAG OF PIXIE DIRT.

– [scoffs]- CONTRABAND. – SEE,.
RIGHT HERE'' S THINGS, THE CHILDREN KNOW. THAT THE ONLY WAY TO FLY IS— WIZARD PEPPER. -UNBELIEVABLE.
GET YOUR BUTT. OUT MY WORKPLACE.
I WILL CERTAINLY TURN YOU. RIGHT INTO A CRAWLER! THEY ' RE GOOD KIDS. [college bell ringing] HOGWARTS AND CLORTHO'' S, CLORTHO ' S AND ALSO HOGWARTS,.
THEY GO HAND-IN-HAND, THE MOST EFFECTIVE TOP TWO. WIZARDING SCHOOLS THERE ARE. BUT YOU KNOW,. OUT OF THESE 2 INSTITUTIONS, WE EACH HAVE A STRIKE. WE DO RATING A LITTLE LITTLE BIT LOWER.
ON STANDARDIZED EXAMINATIONS THAN HOGWARTS,.
BUT THERE IS A SOCIAL PREDISPOSITION. WE MAY NOT HAVE
. A MASSIVE ENDOWMENT LIKE THEY OBTAIN.
OVER AT HOGWARTS, AND YES,.
A FEW OF THE TEACHERS HAVE TO BUY THEIR OWN.
NEWT'' S EYES OR BAT WINGS OR– – ONE CHILD OBTAINED TRANSFORMED.
RIGHT INTO A FELINE. THEY CONTAINER'' T EVEN AFFORD. TO MODIFICATION HIM BACK. – THIS BOY'' S NAME. IS JAMAR. NORMALLY, YOU'' RE FORBIDDEN.
TO TOUCH THE STUDENTS SIMILAR TO THIS WHEN THEY'' RE. IN HUMAN BEING FORM, BUT WHEN THEY'' RE A FELINE,.

WE JUST CONTENDED IT.SPORTS. EVERYBODY LOVES SPORTS. IT'' S REAL.
– NOT EVERYONE. – THE CORRIDORS.
ARE A-BLUSTER WITH THE DISCUSSION.
OF OUR QUIDDITCH GROUP. – FIFTY PERCENT THE TEAM.
IS BACK HERE RIDING SPONGES. WE OBTAINED 2 LITTLE [bleep] ON SWIFFERS. – LESTER! WHEN ALL IS STATED AND DONE,.
THE STANDARD CLORTHO PUPIL– [squeaking] UH, SAY– THIS MOM– [chuckles] OFTEN THE CHILDREN.
THINK IT'' S CHARMING TO TRANSFORM THEMSELVES. RIGHT INTO A RAT, [chuckles] SLIP INTO MY WORKPLACE, PLAY A LITTLE JOKE.
ON ME. WHO IS THAT? TYRONE, IS THAT– IS THAT–? NO,.
THAT'' S AN ACTUAL RAT.

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